The Last of the Summer Whine
by Goldenrod Lockhart
Summary: Join the three Yorkshire men as they try to relax with an Author writing them into many situations. ON HIATUS AS OF NOW!
1. Teaser

The Last of the Summer Whine Ch. 1

By Goldenrod Lockhart

Me: (Sighs) let's try this AGAIN! FINE! I'LL do the stupid STORY mode! Actually, I think I'll be able to have PERKS doing this. Anyway, this is a fanficcy of my favorite Britcom, "The Last of the Summer Wine". I hope you'll enjoy this story (I liked it BETTER in SCRIPT mode!). Oh and people who believes in Keeping the long running britcom as is would NOT want to read this as you'll find out in later chapters (Heh heh heeeh..). So here it is, NOW in story format, "The Last of the Summer Whine".

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The picture fades in on a BEAUTIFUL Landscape as the familier soothing tune starts to play. The title appears: "The Last of the Summer Whine" as the camera pans back to reveal two men standing on a hill. The title stays on screen and after a while, The tallest of the men, Truly Truelove, Notices this.

"Say Cleggy?" He asked the other man.

"Mmhm." Clegg replied.

"Why hasn't the opening credits Dissappeared yet" Asked Truly. Clegg looked back at us.

"Opening credits? What do you mean?" Clegg asked.

"You mean you don't know! At the beggining of every episode, Words will appear and they haven't gone away. I see they've also made a mistake. They spelt Wine 'Whine'." Truly stated. They both looked back at us. Clegg looked at Truly.

"I don't see ANYthing, Truly." He said.

"It's right there! I can see it!" Said Truly a little fustrated. How can he be the only one to see it when it's right there in front of his face? They looked back again at the still showing title. "Don't you see it!" Clegg Looked at Truly with a rather concered look on his face.

"Don't worry. You'll still make it through life." He said as he patted Truly on the shoulder. Truly Got really annoyed at this.

"DON'T touch me!" He said pushing Clegg off. "I know you can see it! You're just playing with me!"

"Actually, I thought it was the other way round." Clegg replied rather deadpan. A chorus of Laughter from what sound like a large group of people rang out. They stood there as the title finally dissappeared much to the relief of Truly. After a while, Clegg looked at Truly. "Did you just hear that? It sounded like LAUGHTER!" Truly jumped and pointed at Clegg.

"AHA! So I wasn't the ONLY one!" He bragged.

"No. I've been hearing that laughing for how knows HOW long. I've gotten used to it though." Said Clegg. He then looked frightened. "I think I'm catching what YOU have!" He said panicing. Truly's face visibally turned red.

"Clegg?"

"What?"

"Turn around please." Clegg curiously turned around to face the scenary.

"What's this about?" He asked. Truly Took his foot and pushed Clegg down over the hill and a splash was heard. Amid More laughter, Truly said "Humph!" and walked off. The Camera panned upwards as the music came to a close. The screen Fades out.

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Me: Wel, folks. There ya go! The teaser Chapter of the fic that never was. Hopefully I'm spared grief since it's in story mode. Please Review. See you later.


	2. Cleggy's Predicerment: Part 1

The Last of the Summer Whine

By Goldenrod Lockhart

Me: Hello. 'Tis me again and welcome to the second Chapter in this fic. As I had said Before, I do not own "Last of the summer wine". The BBC and Roy Clarke Does...OH! And if you don't like to see the characters OOC (Out of character), I strongly recommend you don't really read this. I have a feeling It will have lots of OOCness. Now here's the story!

After refusing to pull Clegg from the River to the point where he got so frustrated that he started crying, Truly and Clegg (He had decided to help him) decided to go to the White Monkey pub for a pint. First, Clegg wanted to stop by his house.

"Why?" Asked Truly Surprised.

"So I can get out of these soaking wet things! What else?" Answered Clegg.

"No." Truly simply said. Clegg Raised an eyebrow.

"Why not? I'll catch cold in these things!" He said.

"But I don't want you to change out of your suit!" Whined Truly before he had a chance to stop himself. Clegg's eyebrow raise so high, it could have disappeared into his hair line.

"WHY?" He asked incredulously. Perhaps Truly shouldn't have said anything.

"Well..." He said looking for an answer, "I...I really like when you wear it...AND I DON'T MEAN WHAT YOU THINK I MEAN!" Truly yelled when he saw Clegg's eyes grow tothe size of Saucers.

Clegg shook his head to try to get it together. "All right. I admit I DO look handsome in this suit." He said, finding his chance to brag. He even did a little model-esque pose, "But you have to understand, I'll catch cold in these clothes." Truly shook his head "No" Mainly for two reasons: 1) To see if it would actually work and 2) To annoy Clegg. Mainly 2. "Truly, is it customary for men of the yard to walk around in soaking wet clothes?" He asked.

"Yes. It is." Truly lied. Clegg sighed and moved for the door anyway.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Truly, but I really need to change. I'll put them back on when It dries. OK?" He said.

"OK." Said Truly laughing. He didn't really care if Clegg kept it on or not. Clegg unlocked the front Door and started to go in. "And Cleggy?" asked Truly. Clegg turned around.

"Yes, Truly?" He said.

"Put one hand on your nose." Said Truly. Clegg looked confused but did. "Now raise your left arm." Clegg did so. "Now stand on your right Foot."

"Why am I doing this?" He asked.

"So you can-" Began Truly then snatched Clegg's cap and ran off.

"TRULY!" Shouted Clegg annoyed. He attempted to chase after him but only wobbled on one leg. "Hey!" He wobbled again but couldn't go anywhere. "Truly...Would you get off! WOULD YOU STOP THIS!" Only he seemed to be screaming this towards the screen as if whoever watching immobilized him. "STOP IT!" He shouted again. "HELP!" Clegg shouted once again as the screen faded out. What sounded like sobbing came out as the last sound. The words "To be continued." Appeared.

Well, another chapter in the bag. Please review so you can see what happens next in this crazy story.


	3. Cleggy's Predicerment: Part 2

The Last of the Summer Whine Ch. 3

By Goldenrod Lockhart

'Ello ello! Here we have Chapter 3. I Know people are reading this seeing as I have a Few hits. As long as you enjoy the story, it will stay up. Now we Begin!...Iownnothing...

Truly ran very fast to the Pub without looking back. He didn't know what he had happened to Clegg. He was surprised he actually Made Clegg do the pose but he didn't freeze him. He ran away because Clegg's screaming scared him. He hasn't heard him scream like that since ever...well, except that incident with Marina but I don't think you're ready for that yet...Anyway, Truly made it to the pub finally. When he had arrived, Tom and Billy were there.

"Hello everyone." Said Truly, trying to not sound worried.

"Hello." They're replied back as Truly sat down at the table. They all looked at each other.

"So…Who's going to buy the round?" asked Tom.

"You mean YOU'RE going to buy it?" asked Billy.

"Um…not in those words, exactly…" Tom said

"Well, I really can't because I'm kind of low on funds." Said Truly. Tom jumped up and pointed at Truly accusingly.

"That's a lie and you know it!" He shouted.

"What?"

"You have a huge ROLL of money! I see that bulge!" Said Tom, hoping he wasn't talking about what he thought he might be talking about. Defeated, Truly took out a stuffed wallet and smacked it on the table.

"Hey. Have you seen Norman anywhere?" Asked Billy. Truly stopped in the middle of lifting the mug of Beer to his lips.

"Uhhh…"

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The sun poured down on Clegg's face as sweat streamed down his face. He would have cried but then he was afraid he might lose more water and dry up like a prune. He was Really hot and thirsty.

"Help!" Clegg Cried out but it was useless since no one heard him. Suddenly, a voice sounded.

"Heh heh heh..." Clegg looked at us.

"Hey, cut this out. This is really uncomfortable!"

"Heh heh heh..."

"Let go. Please so I can go inside."

"Heh heh heh.."

"PLEASE! What did I do?"

"Heh heh heh..." Clegg was just about to just give up and cry when Howard came out of his house.

"Allright. You can let him go now, whoever you are."

"Heh heh heh..."

"Or do I have to go get Pearl?" The mysterious somebody was apparently threatened becuase Clegg put his foot and arm down.

"OH! THANK you, Howard! Thank you very much!" Clegg said in much relief.

"You're welcome although I WAS going to let you just stand there." Howard said, still grumpy from all the rejections Clegg has given him through the years. "But since you're my best friend, I went ahead and helped you."

Clegg nodded and headed into the house.

"But since I DID help you, maybe you could help ME out." Howard quickly added. Clegg stopped and cursed under his breath and after pleading that his was sorry when he felt the author's eyes on his back, Clegg composed himself.

"What do you want, Howard?" Howard Smiled.

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Well, I hope that wasn't too bad. I kinda had a littlewriter's block.But don't worry, I haven't got to the fun part yet. Untill then, have a happy Summer Vay cay!


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